Colossurella
by StarFixation
Summary: the X-kids are tired and force Wolverine to read thema bedtime story. too bad the Acolytes don't know they're about to be cast in the roles of Cinderella. Warning: Gender-bending. Please R


Colossu-rella

_**Disclaimer, I don't own X-men: Evolution, "Milkshakes", or "Bye-Bye-Bye". I do however own an old copy of Cinderella.**_

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BAMF!

"Guten abend," Kurt cackled maniacally teleporting into Wolverine's bed. It was one in the morning.

"ELF!" Wolverine bellowed jumping out of his bed. "What is wrong with you?"

Kurt had huge bags under his eyes and was in his blue form. He always acted crazy when he was sleepy and that day they had five danger room sessions, school, and fought the Brotherhood, so it was understandable for him to be tired.

"Wolverine vill you read us a bedtime story?" Kurt begged sleepily. Wolverine unsheathed his claws with a loud **SNIKT **and demanded why he would do that.

"Wait a second…" he paused. "WE?"

Suddenly in walked Kitty, Rogue, and X-23, through the wall of course. Rogue and Kitty looked unbelievably tired, while X-23 just looked constipated as usual.

"Why the hell would I read to all of you?" he growled. In response each X- kid gave their reason.

"Because ah'm so tired," Rogue groaned.

"Because I'll… like totally… uh y'know?" Kitty tried to say.

"Because I'll annoy you all night long!" cackled Kurt.

"Because if you don't," X-23 snarled unsheathing her claws. "I'll CUT YOUR BALLS OFF!"

Wolverine rolled his eyes and asked what he should read. Kurt teleported out and came back with a tattered red book. Wolverine eyed the cover and saw only a small note on the cover

_To Colossus_

_I got you the perfect birthday present, one you can illustrate, mate. Cool I just rhymed. Well, it's about you and that little X-sheila ya like so much. Enjoy._

_Pyro_

The girls snuggled under a blanket that they brought and Kurt fluffed the pillows around him.

"Once upon a time there was a nice mutant named…" Wolverine paused. "…Colossu-rella."

At the Acolyte base Pyro and Gambit were playing pool. Gambit was winning, but Pyro was the only one enjoying himself.

"_My pool-stick brings Gambit to his knees, cuz I'm so much better than him." _Pyro sang parodying Milkshakes.

"Boy, I ain't in the mood for your singin'" Gambit groaned. Pyro was about to start another verse when a loud scream ripped through the base. Out of the hall ran Colossus, in a tattered brown dress.

"What happened to you _Mon frère_?" Gambit snickered. Colossus stomped over to Pyro and picked him up.

"What happened to my storybook?" he growled.

Pyro shrugged, "It got stolen when we went to that comic book convention."

All three Acolytes stared off into the distance reminiscing about the Comic Con fiasco fic that I've yet to have written.

"Yeah, I took it there so Wanda would make it a _magic_ book, mate." Pyro explained. "But the X-men stole it."

Suddenly Gambit donned a frilly red dress out of nowhere. To make things weirder he and Colossus grew boobs.

"What the hell?" Gambit exclaimed feeling himself. Then he realized he had boobs and if he had those… "Oh SHIT!"

Colossus realized the same thing and the two of them checked themselves. They had become completely female.

"What. Did. You. Do?" Gambit demanded charging Pyro's clothes. Before the firebug could say anything he disappeared.

"We are so screwed." Gambit mumbled and the universe shifted.

"Colossu-rella was cleaning her wicked step sisters' clothes one night when there was a knock at the door," said Wolverine's disembodied voice. Colossu-rella scanned the area and felt her now double D chest and went to the door.

"_Guten tag frauline,"_ greeted a familiar blue courier.

"Nightcrawler!" Colossu-rella exclaimed and embraced the familiar face praising god in Russian. Unfortunately it seemed that the blue boy didn't remember him. He quickly teleported out of Colossu-rella's large arms and handed her a letter.

"What is this?" Colossu-rella asked.

"_Herr_ Prince is throwing a ball for all the maidens in the land. You will be coming ja?" the courier explained. Colossu-rella remembered who the prince was and forgot that she wanted out of the story.

"Of course I really cannot wait to meet the prince!" she exclaimed as he closed the door. He was doing a happy dance when his wicked stepmother descended the stairs.

"Colossu-rella what are you doing?" demanded Magneto. Even though a lot of characters had been gender bended Magneto still looked like just a man in drag. Colossu-rella couldn't help but laugh at his stepmother. "And what are you laughing at?"

"N-nothing step…mother," Colossu-rella giggled and handed her step "mother" the flyer for the ball.

"Gambit, Sabertooth get down here!" Magneto called. The two step sisters climbed down the stairs and Colossu-rella laughed realizing that Gambit and Sabertooth were some ugly girls. "The prince is holding a ball for all the maidens n the kingdom."

"So? Why should I care?" Sabertooth growled at Magneto. Magneto brushed a stand of hair away from his daughter's face.

"Because you're a beautiful girl who…" but Magneto didn't finish, instead he began guffawing. "Oh god I can't like to you, but you need to go to support Gambit. With him as queen the kingdom shall finally recognize mutant supremacy!"

"Mother you just said 'him'." Gambit corrected.

Magneto shrugged, "not my fault if you two are such mannish women unlike _me._"

No one said anything, because they knew what would happen if they told their mother that she was also very mannish. Colossu-rella broke the silence by asking if she too could go to the ball.

"Why would your homely self want to go to the ball?" Magneto snarled. "The only thing your good for is moving heavy things. But if you really want to go all you have to do is make three stunning dresses for us."

"But I cannot sew!" Colossu-rella gasped realizing that her step mother did not want her to go to the ball.

"Well you had better do it Metal butt or we'll put you out on the street!" Sabertooth cackled. Colossu-rella rand down to the basement to cry, but then Wolverine's disembodied voice appeared again.

"And them Sabertooth was struck by lightning," wolverine snickered.

Down in the basement Colossu-rella was wallowing in her tears when a large burst of flame appeared behind her.

"Don't cry, shiela." an Australian voice comforted her. Colossu-rella turned and armored up.

"You!" she exclaimed pointing to a young man floating on a cloud of fire. It was Pyro and he was a he!

"Me?" he asked pointing to himself. "Do I know you, mate?"

"You're the one who put me in this story to begin with!" she roared.

"Okay?" Pyro frowned. He gained his composure and was about to officially introduce himself when a shout came from upstairs.

"Colossu-rella you had better be done with our dresses!" Sabertooth growled as she broke through the door. She was ready to tear Colossu-rella to pieces when she saw the three fancy dresses. Magneto and Gambit heard the ruckus and came running down the stairs.

"Whoa _homme_ you make all this?" gambit asked. Colossu-rella hated to lie, so he didn't and told them that his fairy godfather made them.

"I was going to let you come too Colossu-rella, your homely-ness would make us all look better, but there's something clearly wrong with you." Magneto said, and with a wave of her hand a metal straight jacket covered Colossu-rella. Her step family took the dresses that her fairy godfather had made and left for the ball.

"So Colossu-rella what is your wish?" Pyro asked reappearing in an explosion of flame.

"I want to be out of this story and to be a man again," she grunted trying to get out of the straight jacket

"Ehhhhh!" Pyro buzzed. "To get all that done all you have to do is go to the ball, fall in love with the prince, and live happily ever after."

"When you think about it though, in the real story the Prince and Cinderella only met once and got married the next week." Colossu-rella chucked as her fairy godfather released her from the jacket. "I guess I will go to the ball."

"YES!" Pyro exclaimed and pulled a wand made of fire out of his hat and began humming a familiar song. "Bibbidi bobbidi burn!"

Suddenly the flames danced around and her dress became an elegant blue gown with a pair of steel combat boots.

"There's a coach waiting for you and all of my magic will fade by…

"Midnight, I know"

"Well, I guess I am a bit predictable…" Pyro mumbled.

At the ball Prince Kit was moping. "There aren't any hot chicks!" he complained to his best friend Roger.

"Yeah there are," Roger debated. "Ah mean look at Roberta she made an ahce sculpture of ya,"

"But she's so cold!"

"yah, that's why she calls herself Icegirl!" roger shouted

"Quiet Roger I think I just found someone!" Prince Kit exclaimed pointing to a tall mysterious girl in an elegant blue dress with completely steel combat boots.

"Now _she _is like one hot momma!" Prince Kit shouted as he ran over to the new girl in the room. Roger rolled his eyes and spied a girl with hypnotic red eyes.

"Hey, you wanna dance?" he asked her. Gambit nodded seductively and they were off.

"Colossu-rella was looking for the prince and feeling very out of place," Wolverine read.

"I do not feel out of place!" Colossu-rella grunted. Colossu-rella stood around waiting for the Prince to notice her. Finally Prince Kit came running over.

"Uh… like hi," he bowed. "What's your name?"

"I'm Colossu-rella," she said trying to sound as girly as possible. The prince was definitely like Kitty in every way, and Colossu-rella was struggling to remind himself that it wasn't really her.

"Would you, like, like to dance?" Prince Kit asked, holding out his hand. Colossu-rella nodded completely forgetting not only her mission to get out of the story, but also how Prince Kit was going lead.

Even though the size difference was very obvious, but Prince Kit still swept Colossu-rella off her feet. The two of them felt like they were the only ones on the floor.

Across the floor with Sabertooth was Magneto. She had recognized Colossu-rella on the dance floor with the prince, and she felt threatened. If the prince thought that _Colossu-rella _of all people was pretty then what did he think about…

Magneto scanned the dance floor to see Gambit dancing with the Price's best friend, the prince from the kingdom over. _Well at least one of my daughter's is getting a prince_, Magneto thought slowly becoming a not-so-wicked-stepmother.

Unfortunately Sabertooth was enraged; she thought that she deserved Prince Kit way more than Colossu-rella. For some reason this anger completely manifested once a familiar boyband's song came on.

"_Mine, mine, mine..."_ she started to sing. Suddenly four other ugly girls joined in

"_mine, mine (mine, mine)!"_

"you're_ doing' this tonight, I'm really gonna start a fight. Cuz I know this isn't right, hey ladies come on!"_ Sabertooth sang alone

"_We love him endlessly, even through puberty. So now it's time to heave and make you leave alone,"_ the girls sang to Colossu-rella. "_We know that you're a big fat whore, it ain't no lie. We want you out that floor, cuz he's mine, mine, mine (mine, mine)!"_

Now the five began dancing a random piece that all of they knew, "_Don't want him to be a fool for you, cuz I know that it should be us two. He may hate me but it ain't no lie he's mine, mine, mine (mine, mine)!"_

All the other people at the ball watched in awe at this act of jealousy while Prince Kit and Colossu-rella were oblivious to it.

"_Now it's really time to make it tough, I just wanna tell ya that I've had enough. We may seem crazy, but it ain't no lie, cuz he's mine, mine, mine (mine, mine)!"_

The palace guards blocked d the angry group of girls from stopping the prince during his dance , but everyone else wanted to them to keep performing.

"_We'll hit you with our fists. Now girl you're more welcome to give us a reason not to come on!" _a mystery girl who was navy blue and looked like an orangutan_. "I live for him and me, and now I've really come t see, that life would be much better once you're gone. I know I cant' take no more, it ain't no lie." _the other's joined in_. "We want you out that door, cuz he's mine, mine, mine (mine, mine)!_ _Now it's really time to make it tough, I just wanna tell ya that I've had enough. We may seem crazy, but it ain't no lie, cuz he's mine, mine, mine (mine, mine)!"_

The girls stopped and began an even more complicated dance number than they had started with. It involved lots of pop and locking and hip thrusts. Finally they began singing their final part, "_Don't want him to be a fool for you, cuz I know that it should be us two. He may hate me but it ain't no lie he's mine, mine, mine (mine, mine)!" _they chanted. "Now_ it's really time to make it tough, I just wanna tell ya that I've had enough. We may seem crazy, but it ain't no lie, cuz he's mine, mine, mine (mine, mine)!"_

The group of girls froze in their stance and let their final line echo through throughout the ballroom. All of the girls cheered and begged for another performance, but the ugly girls were dead set on getting Colossu-rella out of the prince's arms. A girl in the group who kinda liked like a frog spat a giant glob at Colossu-rella, and it covered her dress.

"Oh my goodness!" she gasped realizing how wet she was. The slime that covered her smelled like crap and she ran out of her prince's arms and out of the ballroom.

"Wait!" Prince Kit called.

**BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG!**

The fairy godfather's magic was wearing off, and Colossu-rella knew that the story had never taken this twist before. _Does that mean that I'll be stuck in this storybook forever?_ He asked himself

**BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG!**

The first thing to go was the dress, but the smell from the slime still lingered from that frog (or toad) girl. After that the coach began to turn into smoke and all that was left were the steel combat boots. The moment that he thought that they were turning back she slipped out of them and armored up and ran home.

**BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG!**

That night Colossu-rella cried herself to sleep.

The next morning Colossu-rella woke to hear the town crier announcing something about the prince. _Probably about the prince not wanting to ever hold a ball again,_ she thought to herself.

"Prince looking for a mysterious girl named Colossu-rella!" the crier shouted. "has her boots and wants to marry her!"

Colossu-rella jumped out of the bed with happiness and ran up the stairs. When she opened the door she was faced by her wicked stepsister, Sabertooth.

"So you're going to meet the prince?"

"Yes I am" Colossu-rella replied turning on her steel armor. She was too ready to become normal again to let Sabertooth take that away from him.

"Don't get too big for your britches bitch!" She yelled pushing Colossu-rella down the stairs. When Colossu-rella reached the bottom she was completely stunned. Long enough for Sabertooth to tell Roger (who was at the door) that Colossu-rella didn't live there.

"Ah think yer lyin'," roger said as he took off his glove and touched Sabertooth's face. The ugly stepsister collapsed and Roger called the prince in.

"Yer girl is in the basement," He told his friend. Prince kit was so excited that he didn't bother to open the door, he just phased through it. Down the stairs the prince ran to his future princess. He pulled one of the big boots out of his backpack and slid it on Colossu-rella's foot.

"Wake up, my queen," he said kissing Colossu-rella's lips. Colossu-rella opened her eyes and saw that she was with the prince.

"After that Prince Kit asked for Colossu-rella's hand in marriage," Wolverine's voice read. "Roger and Gambit started dating, and Sabertooth was thrown in jail. In the end everyone except for Sabertooth lived happily ever after."

Wolverine closed the book and looked at his audience. All of them were dead asleep and Wolverine felt better. He felt like he had really been sucked into the story, and was wishing that he could give the book back to Colossus. He would definitely have to drop it off the next day, e was way too sleepy to do it then.

Colossus felt himself and concluded that he was male again. He couldn't wait to go and see Kitty again. He finally had the courage to ask her out. On his way to bed he passed Sabertooth and he could hear him humming Bye-bye-bye.

"Hey metal pants," he growled. "Why are you wearing a dress?"

Colossus looked down to see that he had the fancy dress from the ball on again.

He wanted to quip, but had nothing.

"At least I got the prince in the end," Colossus retorted as he sauntered off. "Bitch."


End file.
